Resilience Archives | Alison Escalante MD

Secure Attachment: How Often Should Parents Attune To Kids’ Emotions?

One of the most powerful myths in parenting started in the 1990s and has been dominant ever since. This myth starts with the truth: that when children form a secure attachment to their parents they have better mental health as adults. But then it goes to far by telling parents to attune to their children’s emotions all the time. Only by staying in sync with their children at all times can parents guarantee their kids’ will turn out okay, says the myth. New research I covered for Forbes finds that this is simply not true. Instead, more parental attunement happens when something is not working in the relationship. Higher parent-child synchrony may reflect interaction problems between parent and child.

You Are the Expert on Your Child

Parents are under intense pressure to get their parenting just right for their child or risk “messing up their child for life.” Then parents doubt they know enough to truly be an expert. It’s a situation that affects everyone, even the super rich like Paris Hilton.

Parenting When You are Sick or Tired, Part 1

I have a pet peeve. So much parenting advice assumes that parents are at 100%: they aren’t overly stressed about their job, they have lots of energy, they’re getting enough sleep, they’re not sick themselves or overwhelmed by a child’s needs. Because that’s the amount of energy it takes to apply a lot of that advice. Of course, that just makes parents feel bad.

How do you parent when you are sick or exhausted? What kind of parenting advice actually works at those times? For the last two and half months, I’ve had the opportunity to find out.

Parents Can Use The Movie Dune To Help Kids With Fear

When our children are afraid, parents will do whatever they can to help them feel better. If children struggle with fear in an ongoing way, it can create a problem for the whole family. Parents want to both comfort their child and make sure that they gain the skills to manage in the world. But how?

The popular movie Dune holds a surprising answer: the content of the famous Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear. The litany may be fiction, but it’s packed with solid psychological advice. If parents use Dune, they can engage their child’s imagination and teach them how to overcome fear.

Mom Rage: It’s Okay To Talk About It

Mom rage is something moms don’t talk about. The ShouldStorm tells us we should be patient all the time. But moms feel anger and it’s normal.

As parents, our stress has been through the roof with back to school coming up. We are all wondering how we are going to make this work? But sometimes that stress shows up as anger, and that can make moms feel terrible guilt. It’s time to talk openly about it.

Parenting In The Pandemic May Change Our Standards Forever

I just read an article that announced the end of intensive parenting. The idea is that coronavirus lockdown made us all stop doing so much for our kids and start doing the minimum. This made us reevaluate how we are living, and we are going to change forever.

If that’s true than I’ve realized my life’s work and we are all going to be a lot happier! But is the pressure on parents to optimize their children’s development going to evaporate that easily? Based on conversations in my pediatric office, I’m not so sure.

The Cult of the Early Start

Have you ever worried that your kids are behind? I have. Other people’s kids seem to have accomplished so much already in elementary school. They are on the robotics team, a competition that takes up hours each weekend, while my kids play with legos. They play travel or competition level sports, while my kids seem to keep tripping over their own feet.

Flight Cancelled with Kids: Let’s Make the Best of It.

We were supposed to be going to Hawaii. It had all been planned months ahead of time. Of course it had. This was going to be my first time and I was excited. We wanted to make the best of it and maximize our time, so I worked through Thursday, and our flight was early Friday morning.

What To Do When Parents Shame Their Kids.

We use shame with our kids because it works. Sure, we try not to, we know it’s not the best. But here and there, under pressure, it pops out and it’s kind of a relief because we finally get compliance. Except that we’re causing a much bigger problem down the road.

Has someone criticized you or said something shaming to you lately? It feels like a slap in the face. You may feel it as the unpleasant tingle of a blush starting on your face, tightness in your throat and nausea in your belly. Or perhaps you defend yourself from shame by reacting with swift anger. So it won’t surprise you that your kids react to shame this way too.

14 Things My Kids Learned at Camp

The first thing I saw when I got down to the cabins in the woods was two wild looking boys having a piggy back ride. The one of top was my son, and he yelled, “It’s my Mom, run away quick!” Next, another wild boy walked out of his cabin, took one look at me, and ran back into his cabin. He was my other son.